Skinny Girl Lemon Swirl: $1.49/Kroger

Rang in the New Year drinking some lemon spiked bubble water carbonated can thing that was shoved into my hand upon arrival to a festive (and thankfully kid-friendly) party. Men in tuxes and their wives in sparkly evening gowns, and even their kids all dooded’up, I felt a little out of place in my chubby boots, leggings and blue jean jacket, but it was cold, and I eventually switched from the lady-like, low-sugar, low-carb fruity alcoholic water (probably a more refined version of a wine cooler, in my opinion) to red wine, usually not a choice I’d gravitate towards, but I wanted something that would be warmer on mah belly. And I proceeded to stuff my belly with no less than 3 pounds of prime rib. The women in attendance were all spunky, friendly and clearly enjoying having a reason to be dressed up. Having finished my lemon-spiked beverage along with copious slabs of meat, I was asked how I stay so skinny. I hate that adjective – “skinny” – and would gladly take slender, athletic, lithe, or anything else. Suffice to say, I also hate the brand-name Skinny Girl, but I’ll still go ahead and try a Skinny Girl Lemon Swirl bar, which, minus the bubbles and involving my teeth, tasted like the drink that I had on New Years Eve.

If anything, after eating all of that delicious meat, I felt like a walrus in my cozy, frumpy clothes, around all the dazzling dames and dapper dudes. This seriously cold weather has my brain drifting to being on a beach, maybe even holding a boozy lemon drink of sorts. I expect nothing but awesomeness in 2018 – bars in my face, smiles on my face, no one calling me “skinny” to my face, and a kicky, lemony twirl in my step. But no more of this Skinny Girl bar. It’s fake sweetness is almost as fake as my countdown to New Years in bed at 11 o’clock when I kissed a pillow. Yes folks, it’s 2018 and it may as well be 1988 when kissing pillows was what all the girls my age were doing, except back then, I imagined Jason Priestly’s face on my pillow. 2/5

Categories: Miscellaneous

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