Premier Protein Double Dark Chocolate: $1.49/Kroger

Judgey kid-less folks make me smfh. But judgey parents drive me even more crazy because there should be a sort of Mom-raderie between parents who fight similar daily battles with, say, a toddler shrieking for 30 min. for seemingly no reason but it turns out that the seam running along the toe of her sock was ever so slightly askew making the offensive sock bunch up under the toe causing some sort of agonizing discomfort. There is one Mom who I met at the library whose daughter is always perfectly coiffed, behaved and dressed. The Mom is also very vocal in her high horsyness about how she raises her daughter. The best was one day when she overheard another parent and myself lamenting the kids’ shows that feature characters with overly-pronounced lispy “baby-talk”, animal noises, and exaggerated terrible grammar, and interrupted us with smug raised eyebrows, “I have a solution – we don’t turn on the TV in our house at all and only listen to classical music.” I had to be a smarty-pants to such judgemental hilarity and responded that I grew up watching the Price is Right and I turned out OK, because in the ’80s, after early morning cartoons ended, all you were left with was pretty much soaps, infomercials, and Bob Barker’s beauties languidly sweeping slender arms across living room sets, sailboats, and stereos. I don’t know what year The Price is Right premiered but I do know that I would’ve loved to have either been a contestant spinning the wheel or dropping a Plinko chip, or a “beauty” quietly gliding across the stage to reveal a ooooh-worthy prize.

Premiering in my mouth right now is a Premier Protein Double Chocolate bar and while its dry (like my sense of humor when judgy-McHolier-Mom is around) texture isn’t improved upon by its glossy chocolate coating, the chocolate flavor is high enough that it would be a repeat for me. Oh and lest I forget, the same Mom had never EVER given her daughter chocolate before. I’d wager a difficult path ahead of her when the little girl attends a birthday party or preschool where a cupcake is served, but oh wait, I’ve already witnessed that at a recent birthday party where thick goopy Publix bakery frosting was smeared all over the adorable girl’s cheeks. I can’t fault the girl for face-planting into the cupcake. It is fantastic that her Mom is raising her to appreciate healthy food and classical music but sometimes you just need to yell prices at the TV screen of a game show, shove a chocolate protein bar (or cupcake) in your mouth, and remind yourself to not get into a conversation where you would insert your foot into your mouth when you so desperately want to call out a judgy parent for being unnecessarily judgy. Eat more chocolate and get pudgy, embrace Momraderie and be less judgy. 4/5

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Categories: Pure Protein

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