Plum Organics Jammy Sammy Grape: $4.99/Box of 5/Publix

Grape so seldom makes its way into the flavor spectrum of bars, maybe because its overly-purple, sweet and artificial taste evokes a smashed peanut butter and jelly sandwich found in the bottom of a crumpled brown lunchbag. I’m not above eating a PB&J every now and again, nor do I need artisanal jam or preserves swiped across gluten-free whole-grain bread, but I will shamelessly admit to being a peanut butter snob and only wanting to use that stuff that you grind yourself at Whole Foods from honey roasted peanuts. As far as actual grapes go, I don’t buy into those crazy expensive cross-bred freakishly sweet orbs that are only sold during a specific two week window in the summertime. If anything, I hold no strong opinions about grape or its products at all, much to the disappointment to some people when they find out that I used to work at a winery. On the few occasions where I had to pour wine at a random event, I had to memorize a script about oakiness, tartness, ph dirt levels, noses and whatever other buzzwords one intended to smell and taste when I gave them a sample. All the better if they were drunk because it wouldn’t matter what I said – grapey alcohol was just another liquid adding to their rosy-cheeked pleasure whether or not I was knowledgeable about the history of said liquid.

When I worked there it was a desk job and in that tiny gray cell-like office, I kept a stash of bars. While I don’t recall ever having a Plum Organics Jammy Sammy Grape bar at the time, I remember a rather large collection of Luna and Fig bars. Jammy Sammys are square, squishy, bumpy, small and portable and good for little hands. After my few bites I decided that the grape falls into that same category as cafeteria generic quality, never destined to become stomped into a bottleful of wine. The peanut butter is tasty, and the overall texture is nice, but for its price and size, I wouldn’t consider it a repeat. I would rather make a PB&J (and cut it into rectangles) sandwich than unwrap one of these brown squares. 2/5

Categories: Miscellaneous

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