Luna Cinnamon Almond Swirl: $1/Kroger

luna_cinnamonalmondswirl (2)Nothing against organized religion, ranging from small-town churches where basements host BINGO covered-dish nights and everybody knows each other by the flower-festooned hats on her head, to mega-mall churches with jumbotron screens and social media slogans, but I was completely clueless as to what Vacation Bible School meant when I signed Joanna up for a free week of camp this summer. Free! So I had no qualms about donating to the church where it was held, nor paying for the fluorescent-yellow tee-shirt advertising the star-theme of the week. She and I have always enjoyed dozing before bed watching soothingly-narrated documentaries about outer space, so I guess I thought the camp would be more about stars, and less about creationary stories that, towards the end of the week, veered into conversion-urges. I’m not sheltering her from religions so I take responsibility for not knowing that the camp’s focus was going to be on coaxing the children into enthusiastically accepting Jesus as one’s savior. And please rectangle-reader, don’t think that I’m being glib, flippant, pokey-fun or jokey. I embrace my beliefs, despite shedding much of my Catholic upbringings, but I wasn’t prepared for the strong encouragement for the campers to convert, nor was I prepared for the chaotic method of picking them up.

325+ children boarding several hundred cars driven by the parents or guardians who all arrived in a, whatever the opposite of Mass Exodus is, to form one line where each child’s name was called in order over a microphone. A slow crawl waiting in line that first day, with Louise tugging at my arm, squeaking to run back through the line towards the black-lit, glow-star decorated hallway, and thankfully not further back in line where it dragged onto the gloomy rainy sidewalk. I was smart the second day and went early, with a Kindle My Little Pony app distraction along with a Luna Cinnamon Almond Swirl bar, the icing swirls on top like that of a star-dusted galactic whorl. Each delicious bite that I had to kindly share with Louise was like stars erupting in my cinnamon-infused tastebuds. Luna bars really can’t hide their candy comparisons, and this flavor may remind me more of Halloween with its warm cinnamon notes and almond nuttiness than a humid summer day in a sweaty church gymnasium. But hey, throw an “R” onto Luna and I can at least transport myself (and Joanna) to a moonlit evening sharing our love of geeky space documentaries, followed by our own private prayers. And if Louise can set aside her annoyance at non-cartoon TV and watch with us, well then we’ll have our very own VBS – very beautiful sisters. 5/5

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