D’s Naturals No Cow Lemon Meringue: $1.99/Whole Foods

nocow_lemonmeringue (4)Super sticky like giraffe placenta! I know that celebrity giraffe mama, April has had her baby, but there’s something just so awww-worthy when imagining baby giraffes. This week’s doctor check-ups for my girls was at a new facility for us because our current health insurance is accepted nowhere. Like I’ve been actually laughed at when I’ve talked to a variety of doctor’s offices in our area and mentioned who we’re insured under, guffawed at like a giraffe (Ok, so I have no idea what sound a giraffe actually makes) in a “good luck!” sort of way. Probably not the most professional manner for a medical office to treat a patient. The place we had to make the trek to was a little on the run-down side, but spirits were lifted when we were led to the examination room (high points for total cleanliness from me, high points from the girls for cheerful murals of giraffes, monkies and lions.) To keep Louise from going crazy, we tried to play the “what-sound-does-X-animal-make?” and I was stumped on giraffe. Then to distract her further from the dreaded blood pressure cuff (it’s an inflatable bracelet! No, it’s blow-up water wings!) and then from the measuring tape around her head (it’s a hair bow! It’s Doctor Princess ribbon tiara!) I reached into my bag and procurred a D’s Naturals No Cow Lemon Meringue bar.

There’s a subtle graham taste in the bar, meant to be the crust of a lemon meringue pie, I suppose. I’ve never been terribly fond of citrus-fruit desserts, like lemon meringues, key limes, but I do enjoy watching the darling contestants on the Great British Baking Show make orange-zested desserts and all manners of peculiar pastries, like brioche with little round butter-crusted knobbies on top. Knobbies that make me think – do baby giraffes have knobbies? The baby lemon tree that was growing successfully for 4 years in my guest room turned Ebay storage turned Louise’s room produced one beautifully knobby lemon before the tree sadly joined backyard compost heap, or rather, the pile beyond our yard where lawn scraps, tree-trimmings, and all other vegetation that I’m sure a giraffe would love to eat go to die. I would prefer to bite directly into that one beautiful lemon than take another bite of the D’s Naturals (how I want to be naughty and type Natural D’s, something I was far from blessed with) bar, but I was grateful that Louise cheerfully took each gummy lemony bite while Uncle D (our nurse, Derrick, introduced himself that way) continued with his proding and measuring. And despite eating my shared bars just about every day, she’s growing wonderfully, according to her check-up, and I can only hope that she’ll grow out of some of her more unusual 2-year old habits. Growing tall like a giraffe every day, both Louise and Joanna are destined for my long clumsy legs, and probably my bar obsession. 2/5

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