Balance Chocolate Peanut Butter: $1/Kroger

balance_chocpb (3)I don’t know how my Balance bar got so goopy, stringy and warped – check my pictures. I could barely tug it free from the wrapper lest its chocolate coating remain stuck to the inside of the package. This is a Balance oddity that I’ve never encountered before so I can only assume that my pantry was too warm, or that Balance Chocolate Peanut Butter is stickier than other flavors. The strands pulling away from the ends of the bar look like something that a glass blower would make at a Renaissance Fair, tugging and pulling at colorful strings of molten glass to produce what would become over-priced iridescent souvenirs and decorative hoopluppers to buy (and hopefully not shatter while navigating the festival) to eventually wrap and begift to one’s Mother-in-law where it will perch on her vanity next to all of the other shelf-shit that you’ve given her over the years because there are only so many school portraits and doodles that you can print as 8X10s, frame from Michael’s and give. I exaggerate though; some of the glass-blowing things are pretty awesome, especially those bulbs you hold in the palm of your hand where the heat makes the inside bubble along the twirly stem. Or the ruby glass rose a la Beauty and the Beast. I will say that the last time that I went to the Renaissance Festival there was no food fare in the Balance chocolate peanut butter realm whatsover. Mostly Game of Thrones-inspired turkey legs of gigantic GMO proportions, pickles the circumference of a toddler’s leg, cinnamon sugar dusted pecans, frothy tepid beer, and radioactive cheese drenched nachos. You know, it’s good-to-be-the-king kind of a feast for outdoor Olde English-accented cosplay.

Having delicately freed most of the Balance bar without losing too much to its wrapper prison, I’ve eaten a few bites and I don’t like it as much as Balance Peanut Butter, but I like it better than Balance Chocolate Craze. Falling somewhere in the middle yields a bar that follows Balance’s texture formula for a nice chocolate coating, and a dense, gummy interior, but in this case, the peanut butter isn’t as POW as I’d like it to be. I think I’ll take the slippery, greasy but sublimely crunchy-skinned protein-infused poultry limb. 3/5

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Categories: Balance

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