Power Bar Performance Energy Vanilla Crisp: $1.99/Kroger

powerbar_vanillacrisp (3)I stupidly decided to run on our neighborhood’s hiking trail this morning while it was dark (is that root a snake??), so I was the first one to christen each and every dewy filament of dawn’s spiderwebs spanning the path. By the time I finished my run, my face felt like it was draped in a dirty wedding veil; a lovely ecru veil of cobwebs stuck to my eyelashes, eyebrow and nose rings.

Power Bar Performance Energy Vanilla Crisp (which I opened up a little while after said jog) is the same sticky color that I imagine a sweaty spiderweb to be – dull beige. But more of note than its color was its flattened gumminess. I almost thought that it was an empty wrapper, either a factory defect with a wrapper sealed empty, or that I’d already eaten the bar but accidentally put the wrapper back in the pantry. Turns out that this was a very flat Power Bar and so difficult to peel away from the wrapper that gommy blobs of it stuck. How is “crisp” even in its name, when it’s more like Vanilla Taffy? It really IS like salt-water taffy, and if I’d let my skin retain its sweaty afterglow of this morning’s run, the bar may have actually tasted like a piece of vanilla salt water taffy. What of it I didn’t finish I blanketed in plastic wrap for Tom to eat after his later-in-the-morning jog. Lucky him though – if he’d run down the trail too, my purdy face had already cleared out all the spiderwebs for him. 1/5
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