No Cow Raspberry Truffle: $1.99/Vitamin Shoppe

nocow_raspberrytruffle (3)Valentines Day no longer creeps up on you with a friendly tap-tap on the shoulder, air-kiss, or tongue-wrastle. Red and green on store shelves are quickly replaced with red and pink. Santas become cupids. Radio ads toot “rings and roses” over … oh wait, I guess radio ads are always selling jewelry, flowers, mattresses or new cars, regardless of the holiday. So in between Christmas and February, while there may have been other memorable holidays or events, as far as consumerism is concerned, January 1st is the time to start thinking about hearts stabbed by arrows, clumsy shoeboxes at school with students desperate to have his or her jagged slots on top be stuffed with drugstore cards, friends coordinating Galentine nights out, and couples feeling obligated to share generic sentiments. I don’t want a heart-shaped box filled with crinkly brown wrappers nestled around mysterious chocolate blobs and truffles, nor do I want jewelry (unless it’s a funky new piercing, but that’s not really a gift-gift.) A pile of bars would be cool, and if they taste like a Valentine-inspired candy, that can work too, such as in the case of No Cow Raspberry Truffle bar. No bullshit, really, this is a good bar. They’re not the easiest bars to come by, but it’s really good, a nice texture and a flavor that I normally wouldn’t gravitate towards; I like it better than Quest’s white chocolate raspberry, as well as Victory One’s creepy neon pink white chocolate raspberry. It has a softer texture, not a gummy protein-infused one, and while “truffle” is a little misleading, it appeals to me more than an actual Valentine candy, bon-bon, sugar morsel or chocolate enrobed square of “whats-inside” where you play a game and take a nibble before determining if you want to finish the entire candy. Like Joanna last year ignoring the diagram on the underneath of her heart-shaped box lid that mapped what each square would taste like, instead choosing an Oh Yuck face when she discovered a squishy coconut filling or fruit nougat.

Raspberry is definitely a sexier fruit, and while I finished eating the No Cow Raspberry Truffle bar, I wasn’t in the mood for anything other than eating something else salty, spicy or savory. I liked it, but it was so sweet, I think it almost could’ve been cut into little squares and become a Valentine candy bite. Can I get a bah-humbug for Valentines Day and prepare myself for the next retail explosion of green shamrocks? I know it sounds cliched, but holidays that you feel forced to say “I love you” when there are 364 other days of the year where you can do just that (flower for no reason on any other day, yes and yes!) just appeal to me more. Don’t call bull cow or bullshit on me. I will still take a small gesture on the 14th with an XOXO, but I don’t like the forcefulness of it. 4/5

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Categories: Miscellaneous

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