Up Sugar Cookie: $1.49/Publix

up_sugarcookie (3)Wrappers aren’t typically a true indication of what the product hiding inside will look like. A staged and glossied picture of a hamburger on a menu isn’t usually what my plate is going to resemble. So I certainly didn’t expect Up Sugar Cookie to look like the picture of the two be-sprinkled sugar cookies cuddling one another on the cover. What I didn’t expect though was the tan stale chewing gum-looking bar, nothing about it remotely inspiring a sugar cookie, but with high hopes that the taste or texture would prevail, I took a bite and it seemed to take forever to keep chewing through it until it was soft enough to swallow. I could’ve watched the entire tear-jerking opening sequence to the movie Up. What remained of the bar, I rolled around my fingertips into a ball and it looked like a ball of sugar cookie dough, although baking it would probably result in a marble.

I’ve never made a successful sugar cookie. And forget cookie cutter shapes – Christmas trees become triangular blobs, flowers become chubby clouds, a gingerbread man becomes a lesson in polygons. And my timing never seems to be right either – that perfect 10 second opportunity when you snatch the pan from the oven so that the center of the cookie stays soft even after they cool, but the edges are just crisp enough that you can lift the cookie from the pan on a spatula without it buckling in the middle. My last batch was an 11X13 Franken-cookie disaster an oblong deflated balloon shape, where I guess I didn’t use the recommended 2″ distance apart. It was hideous but tasted better than an Up. 1/5

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