Goodness Knows Cranberry Almond Dark Chocolate: $1/Kroger

goodnessknows_cranalmonddkchoc (4)I used to go to my precious local library every Friday morning for “Cocoon Storytime” (at 2, Louise graduated to Wednesday “Caterpillars” and eventually, I don’t know, Larvae, Butterflies, Bookworms?) On one of the last exhausting Friday visits with Lou (who prefers to run up and down the aisles of YA supernatural romance, finally ending at the shelves devoted to well-loved board books, chewed-on wooden puzzles and scuffed PS2 game boxes) I received sympathetic clucking smiles from parents who had sweet-faced infants cooing in their arms while I chased Louise down aforementioned aisles. At one point I tripped over a stepstool and muttered a “Dagnabbit”, but inwardly cursed like a rum-soaked pirate whose parrot bit down on his be-tasseled jolly rogers. Recovering Louise, as well as recovering my badass new shoe that was accidentally kicked free in the comical spill that I took, I mentally patted myself on the back for not cursing out loud, not just because I was in a library, but becausethere were lots of innocent ears nearby. My online gaming days with headphones perched around my ears consisted of a flurry of cursewords, but having had kids, I’ve replaced the worst of them with alot of Poops, Darns, Hecks, Shoots, Dagnabbits, and Gosh Darnits.

Charming antiquated phrases really need to make a comeback, like Blimy, Crumbs, Geez Louise (appropriate, but probably confusing to a toddler), Great Caesar’s Ghost, Gadzooks (which recalls the early ’90s ultra-trendy teeny-bopper clothing store) and Heaven’s to Betsy. Goodness knows everybody’s dainty language could greatly benefit
from the use of “vintage vulgar.” A Goodness Knows Cranberry Almond Dark Chocolate Bar is so good, golly gee I didn’t even share one of the four squares that it is so conveniently served in. I actually had a Goodness Knows bar hiding in the bottom of my bag the Friday that I gracefully tumbled over the stepstool and it was my reward
once Louise was thoroughly distracted with the “Bunny Hop-hop-hop” song. Just as I don’t want to be loud (nor curse) in a library, I felt like a trouble-maker as I sloooowly pulled apart the wrapper seam. To not be so obvious about eating, I took each bite just as slow, giving me the opportunity to really enjoy the tart cranberry, complemented by the rich chocolate and crunchy almond. Bejabbers, this begood! 5/5
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