Pure Bliss Organics Naughty & Nice Bar: $1.99/Whole Foods

purebliss_naughtynice-4Woe be the parent who got suckered into the Elf on the Shelf gimmick, or EotS as I’d rather call it because it conjures up memories of 8-hour nights of doing World of Warcraft battlegrounds, all acronymed of course, like Eye of the Storm. Every morning is a mad scamper of “did I remember to move the elf?” followed by an afternoon of seeing parents posting their over-the-top storylines and plots and arrangements of what their crafty Pinterest-inspired elves were up to. Our elf, David (how creative of Joanna when she named him) just finds a new spot and that’s it. As long as he arrive on December 1st with a note reminding that he’s Santa’s Eyes (of the North Polar Storm) and ears for being naughty and nice.

Naughty and Nice, two words that put together just sound more like a sex shop brand than either adjectives for youngsters during the holiday season, or for a granola bar. Neither cringe-worthy comparison kept me from buying myself a Pure Bliss Naughty & Nice Organic Bar, despite that nothing on the label indicated a flavor. The ingredient list implies generic nutty, oaty, chocolatey promises in a tidy brown rectangular receptacle. The first bite wasn’t blissful, and the calorie count on the one bar isn’t nice. Half-way through and David the Elf, perched on top of the fridge, was watching to make sure that I didn’t throw away what I didn’t want to eat of this bar and that I instead share it with Louise who was hovering near my tap-tapping feet on the barstool, my perch over the laptop. Her face exuded pure bliss with her first bite but I can’t say it’s a repeat bar for me. It’s dry and not flavorful enough, and with that many calories, I’d rather my bar veer into high protein territory. If Santa had brought me my Christmas wish, I’d be sitting in the sand whapping a beach ball around, digging my feet for sanddollars. I’m a healthy blend of naughty and nice and a bar supply, I would sacrifice. If I could only get away to the beach. My next ocean trip seems so far out of reach. In the meantime, I’ll eat this dry bar. It’s not pure bliss, not by far. But Louise likes it, and the elf winked at me. She’s nice when she wants a bar to eat. 2/5

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