Trader Joe’s This Mango Walks Into a Bar: Box of 6/$1.99

traderjoes_thismango-2Joanna requested kiwi or guava be added to the grocery store list that I was making a few weeks ago until I realized that, chances are, those are way too tropical to be in season and I’d be better off getting a bag of fall-friendly apples. (Flash-forward to me buying no fruit at all because a surprise box from Pittman-Davis courtesy of Tom’s mom was on our doorstep later that afternoon containing oranges, grapefruits, pears and apples.) Along with kiwi and guava, I always considered mango to be of a more tropical variety, like I wouldn’t just buy a couple pounds of mango to nibble on as my fruitly snack. My ingestable mango format is usually dried (from big Costco bags, thanks Dad),  frozen, or from a Trader Joe’s This Mango Walks Into a Bar. (thanks Dad #2.) I was eating one of these bars that he’d given to me while sitting in a bit of traffic a couple weeks ago (before the Pittman-Davis discovery) and at a red light, was next to a pick-up truck that had seasonal confusion going on. The front of his truck had reindeer antlers on it, the driver was wearing a tank-top, and the bed was piled with not only pumpkins, but also what amounted to a North Pole’s explosion of crafts, evergreen, garland. My guess is, like my brother who adores roasting pumpkin seeds, the sleeveless chauffer had picked up deeply discounted pumpkins post-Halloween, and in the middle of shopping had a holiday ah-ha moment of also picking up Christmas supplies too. Until the light changed, I was imagining the pumpkins wearing Santa hats, which is what I should’ve drawn here, but instead, I was eating a bar that tasted like beaches, fruity drinks and sunshine on a cold fall morning, staring at a holiday clash in the bed of a pick-up truck. The bar itself is like TJ’s other “Walks into a Bar” flavors in its crumbly, moist texture with jammy fruit center, but unlike the apple, fig and pumpkin flavor, there’s no way that mango would benefit from a spin in the microwave. At room temperature, I am not impressed with the mango flavor and didn’t end up finishing it.

Pulling into the driveway and spotting the mustard-yellow “Keep Safe from Cold!!!” Pittman-Davis box at the front door, Louise’s priceless and enthusiastic reaction was “presents, presents, presents!!” She lunged for a pear and took about 10 dainty teethy nibbles across the entire surface area of it, rendering it un-saveable, then declared that the green protective foam rectangular insert for the fruit in the box was a “blankie” and insisted on taking it to her nap. When I woke her up later (sweetly offering her not only the remainder of my mango bar, but also what I could salvage of the now-browning pear) she was clutching the green bumpy rectangle. If packing materials are on her Santa wish-list, then I will gladly avoid traffic, and its subsequent people, pick-up and packages traffic, and instead give her my stockpile of bubble wrap and other box filler that I use for Ebay. 2/5



Categories: Miscellaneous

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