Balance Caramel Pecan Turtle: $1/Kroger

balance_pecanturtle-3What travels much faster than a turtle and that I’m finally no longer intimidated to ride? MARTA, that’s what. My nerves may have been tentative like a turtle bashfully sticking its head in and out of its shell, but after all the years of foot-tapping and staring at the map on the train, anxiously straining an ear to hear the loudspeaker announce my stop, I’ve realized that studying the map and train times BEFORE I leave for whatever event/activity has me needing to ride MARTA makes arriving at the station much less stressful. Tom and I recently attended a stand-up comedy show in downtown Atlanta starring Maria Bamford. Since becoming parents, he and I so rarely get out for events like that and we had to scour our memories to remember what was the last concert that we saw and where. Cake at Masquerade? Tool at Gwinnett Arena? No, it would’ve been generic garage bands on the streets of Athens at Athfest. We decided that riding MARTA downtown would be alot easier than attempting to drive into traffic and navigate parking lots. Having prepared by reading times, tables, trains and tracks online, I felt more than prepared to strut into the station. The only thing that I was not ready for was the arrival Peachtree Center station and its vertigo-inducing, terrifyingly-steep escalator, with its wall tiled in a diagonal pattern that didn’t help my eyeballs and brain from feeling that I was falling down Hugh Howey’s silo in his Shift series. (Love Hugh the author, can’t stand his Facebook yacht brags.)

Concessions at the show were ridiculously overpriced ($4 for a small soda that was mostly ice, for instance) so I was glad that the lady who frisked me and shone (shined?) a flashlight through my bag didn’t spot my Balance Dark Chocolate Pecan Turtle bar, since, as with most venues, there’s signage for no outside food or drink allowed. Halfway through what Tom would later eye-rollingly call “lady jokes”, I was able to tear into the package without having to do so slowwwwwly and quietly like one would have to do during a movie because the avalanche of laughter all around would’ve covered up the loudest of ripped wrappers or ripped farts. She is just so funny – like a female David Cross with hilarious voices, mannerisms, body motions, characters, timing, and talent. There was never a moment when my eyes drifted or I felt any lack of giggling entertainment. I hope that she returns to Netflix with more Lady Dynamite. But my stomach appreciated the DYNAMITE flavor of the Balance bar during her show – it was a sinful dessert of a bar as I don’t think any amount of protein or vitamins can fool me into thinking that something of the pecan turtle family could be any less than a treat. When the show ended, our feet shuffled a little more of turtle speed through the surprisingly quiet streets of downtown Atlanta towards the MARTA station. A zippy ride later with Maria-infused humor on the brain and chocolate turtle bits probably stuck in my teeth, we arrived back at my parents’ house for the night. Next time that we go to an Atlanta activity, I’ll be even more prepared to riding MARTA because I have my very own Breeze card tucked in my wallet now. Bam, take that parking lots and traffic. 5/5



Categories: Balance

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