Curate Kids Dark Chocolate Banana: Target/Box of 5/$4.49

curatekids_chocbanana-3Only 4 things. Quatre choses simples. I chuckled w/ a spunky old broad in the parking lot about how when one shops at Target it’ssmarter to use a basket or simply your hands when you only need a few items, rather than the shopping cart that becomes a swirling black hole beckoning and urging on more and more things to eddify in its red depths. And then 4 turns into 40. In an attempt to skirt the perimeter and avoid the snack/bar aisles, I came to realize that I’d forgotten one of the original mission items and in my u-turn, see all of the bar flavors that Target carries and my usual grocery stores don’t. Louise is getting antsy, so after boldly gambling on four boxes, we decided to try a Curate Kids Chocolate Banana, but in all fairness, I had to have another one later when we’d gotten home b/c my noshing experience was pretty much ruined by what happened next.

As we approached the children’s clothing section I heard the brzzzting whirr of a monstrous industrial carpet cleaner – it sounded exactly like the one in the Simpsons episode, “TheLast Temptation of Homer” when he’s in the Capitol City hotel with Mindy and the carpet cleaner goes circling by in the hallway making the same disapproving mutter that Marge always makes. And then as I bite into the Curate bar (which incidentally, is just like a regular Curate other than being smaller and having a cute mascot on the wrapper) my nostrils are assaulted with a thick chemical stink with backnotes of puke. It seemed that a toddler had just projectile puked in a wide carpeted expanse of the toddler girls’ clothing area, so I blindly grabbed cheerful Minnie Mouse underpants (we’re newbie potty-trainers) and booked it out of there.

After putting away our loot at home (most of which was entirely unnecessary fun buys) I opened another Curate bar only to find it to be really dull. There are lots of chocolate chips on top and several fell away right after taking it out of the package so there’s not much holding it together. And maybe my brain was shutting down its flavor receptors in an attempt to not equate the taste of this Curate with the smell that was still lingering in the shopping bags and my nose. I have plenty of experience with middle of the night lil’ green machine Resolve-spraying carpet cleaning, and if there’s any one person (or persons’) puke that I’d clean with my bare hands, it’s that of my girls when they’ve been sick. 3/5


Categories: Miscellaneous

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