Awake Dark Chocolate Caramel: $5.99/Box of 5/Walmart

awake_dkchoc-3Hoooooo Hoooooo who in their right mind really needs their food to contain caffeine. It’s a pot brownie’s perky opposite. And the wide-eyed owl on the wrapper has peepers that imply an executive’s “go and get’em!” attitude rather than a lackadaisical lazy logo that I will now conjure up for a pot brownie’s wrapper – a bleary-eyed lion resting his chin in his paws, a tail curled around the top of his head, long enough to fuzzy-font the lettering for “Legal Regal Nummies” or “Confectionarawry.”

This past Sunday morning’s jog had me passing a front stoop festooned with crushed beer cans, the ubiquitous red Solo cups, and nine (yes I had the opportunity to count how many) fluffy-eyed, groggy, and well past the point of tipsy dudes splayed, lounging, laying, but none upright. For a moment it made me feel old (how long HAS it been that I’ve been able to stay up that late, let alone imbibing alcohol the whole night through?) and then I realized, nope, even if I didn’t have responsibilities or kids, I can’t imagine annihilating a whole day by feeling like crap from a night of heavy drinking. I saluted their bobbing askew GO-SPORTS!-capped heads while an owl hooted nearby, and can only imagine that once the sun started to peek and regular birdies replaced owls with their morning symphony, that these 9 guys would be wishing that they had 9 lives and could entreat karma to allow them to exchange their hungover bodies for that of a fresh one. I’m not saying that I haven’t pitifully bemoaned a hangover, mumbling how I’ll never ever drink that much again, but many of those days just don’t exist for me anymore, so my tolerance has plummeted.

If there is even a touch of a hangover nibbling at my temples, I can always put it at ease with caffeine in some form, usually liquid, or maybe in a solid a la an Awake Dark Chocolate Caramel bar; it’s nutty, crunchy and bird-seedy with the right amount of sweetness, and reminds me of chocolate covered espresso beans that I used to buy in cute little cellophane packages from Caribou Coffee when I was there for an evening of playing Spades with friends. Pop those suckers in your mouth like jellybeans and your eyes will bug out like the owl on the Awake packaging. I nursed many a hangover at Caribou, not with a hand of Spades, but with a handhold on coffee mug, possibly nine cups’ worth. 4/5


Categories: Miscellaneous

1 Comment

  • Poppy says:

    Holy Cow! I read this and couldn’t believe it wasn’t a page from some great contemporary novel. While I’m glad you’re past those crazy days, it’s still great you can draw upon them to write such great stuff. 🙂

Leave a Reply