Gatorade Fuel Oatmeal Raisin: $0.00/Kroger

gatorade_oatmealraisin (3)I love surprise misspellings. In this case, I just ate a “Gatorage” bar. Which is how I imagine Go Dawgs’ fans feel when Georgia Tech wins a sporting event? I don’t know sports. If a ball is small and round, I can throw it to a dog or play Butts-Up (probably not a thing anymore) and if it’s large and round, I’ll whap it around a pool or a park or play Dodgeball (also probably not a thing anymore.) Archaic games that hurt more than anything. And I was reminded of another archaic thing during my morning jog today; as the sky lightened, some of the clouds took on a pink puffball appearance, resembling the round powder poof that one of my grandmothers had in a pink plastic jar on her vanity. Maybe it was Vitabath brand, since that white ridge-ey bubble bath bottle and its sudsy contents always remind me of her. Were there actually vitamins in their bubble bath or talc? I don’t know, but I do know that a Gatorade Fuel Oatmeal Raisin bar is an insane ingredient list of vitamins and flavor hoo-hahs. The raisins don’t make me raigin but the oatmeal is a flavor that reminds me of the other grandmother whose scent-profile was more kitchen-comfort than bathroom-pamper. I actually find the bar to be quite tasty but it is like lead in my stomach so it surely has become a splitter or a triplicater, knifing off some hunks to share with Tom (who jogs well after I do in the morning; nope, I’ll take my zen-sunrise sprints) and a small bite for Joanna whose knowledge of Gatorade is neon-colored bottles in convenience stores and not foil wrappers with bars tucked inside. I think you can still be whisked away by Calgon’s bubbles, but I daresay that I haven’t seen a green or pink Vitabath bottle (nor an old-fashioned powder poof canister) in years. 4/5
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Categories: Miscellaneous

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