Nature Valley Almond Butter Biscuit

naturevalley_almondbutterbiscuit (3)When I bite into a Nature Valley Almond Butter Biscuit, it reminds me of Lance sandwich cracker in the malt peanut butter flavor. That flavor, along with the neon orange cheese, and the cream cheese & chive one (why are those called “Captain’s Crackers” when it’s all I can do to not visualize a pirate giving the parrot perched on his tasseled shoulder a cracker) always make me think of the saddest dregs of the stale misfits left in a hospital vending machine. For every visit to hospitals, both as a concerned visitor as well as a patient, I haven’t really been all that choosy about what to eat so a sandwich cracker, even if past its sell-by date is infinitely better than a cafeteria meal, IV diet, or liquid diet, and I’m not making light of everything that I’ve had to ingest in a hospital. But Lance crackers, especially the Malt Peanut Butter ones just taste like last-minute-hospital-hunger, so eating this Nature Valley (despite it actually being delicious) is conjuring up some painful hospital memories that I won’t dwell on.

I tried, unsuccessfully, to break this in half to share with Louise, but it fell apart and needed to be twisted apart a la Oreo. I ended up using a knife and scraping some of the almond butter off, then transferring it with a swipe onto what was left of her breakfast bran muffin that was destined to get mixed up w/ a box of crayons. Having a bite of the biscuit without its almond butter smear tastes just like a Cinnamon Belvita, which is making me think I would enjoy putting my own nut butter on one of those instead.

As a final note, I was tickled to no end to have a “Mom-date” (well, fine our toddlers were corralled together in the gated – yeehaw – corner of a new coffee shop) a couple weeks ago and to see her doling out cinnamon Lance crackers followed by blueberry Belvitas to her 18-month old, making me feel not so bad for not sticking to an uber-health-conscious diet for Louise, who is also known to beg for a Nola Bah, or if Tom’s around a “Chewy.” Over coffee, I told her about rectanglefood.com, and she so sweetly and innocently said that she’d never heard of it. Who am I kidding, I’m a tiny blip, an oatmeal crumb on your keyboard in the Interwebs. 4/5
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