Kroger Simple Truth Kale Bar w/ Dates, Berries, Dark Chocolate

krogersimpletruth_kaledkchoc (3)I love kale in savory form – baked into salty, curly green “chips”, withered and slimy in a kielbasa soup, chopped finely in a cole slaw. I know it’s still riding its trendy veggie train, but I’ve never encountered it in a sweeter format, so here goes a try of Simple Truth Kale & Date Dark Chocolate bar. It looks like a rectangular doodoo, or more like a LaraBar than anything, and despite its squishy texture, its taste isn’t entirely unpleasant but not one that I would repeat. I need a little bit of crunch or textural variation. I gave a few pieces to a delighted Louise (I haven’t seen her turn down a ‘Nola Bah yet, and I gave a piece to Tom without telling him what it was. His response was: “tastes like how our fish food smells”, followed by “why didn’t you tell me this was what I was about to eat??”

He bought a fishtank and five fish several Christmases ago for Joanna, and the only thing that she liked about it was the pirate’s treasure chest and the Tiki statue. 4 of the fish rode the toilet waterpark slide to sewer heaven, and Tom replaced the artificial decoration w/ live plants. The tank has a science experiment’s worth of black fuzzy funk growing in it on the walls and on the plants, but the single fishy (never given a name) has thrived. I would’ve preferred Joanna to have started off w/ a goldfish in a bowl. And next time I make Tom a salad to go w/ his dinner, I’ll offer fish food flakes as the garnish instead of almonds or bacon bits. Maybe it will impart a briny bite the way that smoked sea salt flakes add some snap to my salads. I don’t think any amount of dark chocolate or bacon or salt could redeem Kroger’s kale bar; kale shouldn’t be transformed into a chocolate lump. 2/5
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Categories: Miscellaneous

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