Curate Balsamic Fig & Hazelnut: $1.49/Kroger

curate_basalmicfig (3)I rejoiced and did a happy jig over discovering new bars at Kroger a few weeks ago. I liked the last Curate bar that I tried so much that I went and picked up the other flavor that I saw hiding on the shelf, quietly awaiting my chompers, sandwiched b/t KIND and Lara. The brand name conjures up cringing memories of childhood knee-scrapes and being sprayed down w/ a sting-worthy antiseptic that I’m pretty sure was of the same name, or at least started w/ a “cura”. Otherwise, I think of rounding out my college education w/ an Art History major, imagining my mid-30 year old self curating a museum. (My 20 year old self would be appalled at how I neurotic and nerdy I am now, but I’m also appalled at how narcisistic I was then.) If I was really motivated to go back to school (and there are genuine moments when I miss making flash cards to study for tests), I’m sure I could possibly get a job answering phones in a museum, but a curator? Unlikely. The closest I have, experience-wise, is the cornball art gallery that I worked for, and recently I ordered an adorably-retro dress online that was called the “gallery curator” in its description.

The orange in a Curate Dark Chocolate Mission Fig Hazelnut bar is way too strong and makes me think of those baseball-sized chocolates that we’d break open on Christmas morning. With all the other goodies on the front of the label: Balsamic Vinegar, Mission Figs, Hazelnuts, Sunflower Kernels, Orange and Quinoa (not to mention “crafted with joy”!), I really taste the orange above everything else. Orange flavor has its place in the morning and that’s in a tall clouded chipped glass on a tall clouded chipped counter at Waffle House. I think my face would fall splat in a plate of scattered smothered and covereds if I ever saw anything w/ figs or quinoa in a menu item at Waffle House. 3/5
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Categories: Miscellaneous

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