Power Bar Cookies & Cream Caramel Crisp: $0.99/Kroger

powerbar_cookies&creamcaramel (3)Kroger was offering one of their “buy x qualifying items save $y” promos, narrowing my bar choices down to Odwalla and PowerBar. As I squatted down over the row of PowerBars (Odwallas were an easier grab since there was only 5 flavors to pick from) w/ Louise whapping me w/ her boot-clad feet from above in the buggy, an elderly couple came into the aisle dressed quaintly, if not charmingly, hippie-like, as if they belonged on the front porch of a rickety farmhouse. They quietly began picking up Clif bars, peeling back the wrapper to examine the ingredients. I politely recommended “Oatmeal Cookie” and “Nuts & Seeds” b/c of how filling they are and that they don’t take on too much of a candy bar quality. The gent’s response was “we need carbs for our emergency backpacks”, to which I asked “for the possible approaching snow?” They exchanged a quiet, knowing look and she casually remarked, “no, in case we have to flee.” Not really sure how to follow up after that, I recommended Clif and Quest bars for being filling and for having the most variety of tasty flavors, and also mentioned this site. The manner in which they were dressed gave the impression that they weren’t up to speed w/ computers, and the blank look they gave me confirmed that. I fleed (my inner grammar rodeo questions whether or not that is the past tense of flee? Unless it’s flaw as in see to saw) the aisle, telling myself that they were the snowy-haired czars of a farm cult, stocking up in the event that the feds descend upon their illicit crops.

I’ve cropped this Power Bar into quarters b/c it is heavy and thick, and its image on the wrapper is accurate – there is a top layer of caramel followed by a nougat-ey cookie and cream bulk. It’s just trying too hard to cram too many competing flavors into its protein-heavy brick; just cookies & cream, or just caramel crisp would’ve been fine. If the apocalypse arrives and I’m digging into my emergency stash, I wouldn’t turn it down. But when I’m older and peering over my spectacles at the grandkids as they romp around the cornfield of the farm that I swear I’ll live on one day, I hope to be eating anything but a PowerBar. 3/5

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Categories: Miscellaneous

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